Food numbed Crosland's pain

FIT Staff
Mar 31, 2014
Last week, I had talked about how I turned to food during stressful or emotional times in my life. 
 
That is something I've done most of my life and am still struggling with now, even two months into the FIT Challenge. 
 
Though my eating habits overall are getting better, the portions and emotional eating urges are still there.  
 
I was born a normal, healthy girl and I was very active. 
 
Then the weight started to gradually pile on during my middle/ high school days. 
 
It wasn't a lot at first, but it built up enough, to the point, where it has now affected my life where I can't function as well as I should. 
 
During my junior year in high school, I found out that I was born with a non-serious medical condition that would prevent me from ever having kids. 
 
Less than 1 percent of women are born with this specific condition. 
 
Now, almost 20 years later, I struggle with it, only because I see my friends and family having babies and starting families. 
 
I truly am happy for them, but it's a struggle for me emotionally at times because it was something I had hoped for at one time.
 
I started to be extra cautious about the people I would date at that time also, and the situations I would put myself in while with guys.
 
Yes, I still dated and spent time with guys.  However, most of the time, it was spent in group settings or anything in public where I would seldom be alone in questionable settings with them unless I completely trusted the guy and their intentions.  

All those safeguards I built up, came crashing down while I was living in Wyoming a few years ago. 

 
One night I'd stopped by a friends apartment because I was led to believe he was sick. 
 
Needless to say, I was in the very situation where no lady wants to be in, and one I tried so hard to avoid. 
 
No charges were filed against him because I was scared.  However, I know that he cannot hurt anyone again because he later killed himself.  

By no means am I telling my story to gain sympathy.  It's not what I want.  It's part of who I am, and part of what had lead up to my eventual weight gain. 

 
The stress and emotional issues I went through during those times were difficult, and felt like food was my only friend. 
 
It numbed the pain.  It was my drug, so to speak.  

My trainer, Ryan Rose at Health & Strength has been doing really well at teaching me a new way of life. 

 
Forcing me to get my emotions out through talking about them and exercising more than I had been, and making me go harder than I believe I'm capable of. 
 
Through this process, not only has he helped me just physically, but it's helped tremendously that he's trying to knock down all those mental and emotional walls I'd put up that has held me back from living my life to the fullest of my abilities.

I'll be forever grateful that I was paired with Ryan in this challenge. 

 
Even on the days we don't agree on things, and things are hard, I believe he is the best person for  me to get me back on the right track to a healthier me.   I would honestly recommend anybody going to
him. 

One of my favorite quotes is, "Why fit in when you are born to stand out?" Dr. Seuss. 

 
It's something that I have been referencing a lot lately it seems because I know that I am different than most people.  Yet I tried to fit in with others. 
 
However, I am getting better at accepting myself, all of myself, and my differences from others.

Godspeed to the other FIT Challengers!! I am glad we are all on this journey together, as each of them are all amazing people and inspire me greatly!